Disclaimer: Before we get started, don’t haggle me about when I should be using Possum or Opossum. Literally no one except the nerds on Animal Planet knows the difference on that.
Last night we saw the Cleveland Browns pull off their first win in 21 months off the heels of a stellar comeback performance led by Rookie QB Baker Mayfield. But before that happened this delightful little fella was found roaming the stands pre-game. And while I’ve never been a fan of any rodents, especially possums, (who essentially look like giant rats) this cannot be written off as a mere “only in Cleveland” type of story. That little guy needs to have a name and officially be the teams mascot by next week, along with being kept in a cage on the sidelines so that Baker Mayfield can feed him crackers in between touchdown drives. This team has been historically awful over the past two years 1-31-1 before last night. All of a sudden this guy shows up and the Browns and Baker Mayfield turn around a game that had most of us thinking midway way through the second quarter, “well it is still the Cleveland Browns“. It CANNOT be written off as mere coincidence!
A possum is the perfect mascot for this team, possums are historically the survivors of the animal food chain, they will rummage through your garbage and consume trash and not give a shit what anyone thinks about them. They will look you straight in the face and say “fuck you, I’m knocking over your garbage cans and eating last week’s rotting bologna and there’s nothing you can do to stop it”. Very similar to how loyal Cleveland Browns fans will consume the garbage their team has put on the field for the past two decades.
I know they already have “Chomp” the dog that represents the Dog Pound in their stadium, but he has had worse luck than the dogs that ended up at Michael Vick’s house, (I fucking love dogs, relax PETA.) They also have some strange-looking elf guy “Brownie” as another mascot. A guy that looks like he should be one of the lost boys from Peter Pan rather than a NFL Mascot.
So if John Dorsey is the brilliant GM everyone in Cleveland thinks he is, than he needs to have this mascot ready to roll out by their next home game Oct 7th against the Ravens. Screw it, don’t even wait for then. Throw this little guy a parade this Sunday since the Brown’s are off this weekend now. I mean they threw a goddamn parade when their team went 0-16, so why not for this. They have finally found the good luck charm that could turn one of the worst franchises in sports history into winners. You can’t let that slip away. I mean I’m all for them painting this little guy in a shade of orange and brown and putting his ugly ass on their helmets. They can’t look any worse.
With this team looking forward to a couple winnable games in the Raiders next week and then the Ravens at home, we could be seeing the possum and his magic carry these Browns to their first win streak since……God I don’t even want to look because I’m sure it’s embarrassing, and that’s not what Cleveland fans need today. They need to celebrate their team and remember the next time there is an opossum (think I got it right there) going through their trash at 3am, that rabid little creature is more like them than they think.