My fellow degenerates! I come to you guys today, prior to Week 5 of the College Football to try and redeem myself from an under .500 week. In my defense, the top ten really didn’t give me much to work with. Only two of the top ten teams gave me a single digit spread and for once I took Alabama to cover, of course, they screwed me. Notre Dame finally came out and set their balls on the table and said, “Keep talking shit”. Trevor Lawrence told Kelly Bryant, “I am the captain now”. Virginia Tech forgot how to play football. So, I expect better from myself regardless. Last week I was a measly 4-6-1, still a Hall of Fame average if we were playing baseball but we’re trying to make some God damn money here. Here are my Week 5 picks.

UL Lafayette vs. #1 Alabama- 12:00 PM- Saturday

Don’t touch this stupid ass game. Alabama is a 49-point favorite. I say they cover. But this is bullshit. While other teams play top dogs, the #1 team gets a bye week. I am so mad about this that I can’t even crack the jokes I want to.

Syracuse vs. #3 Clemson- 12:00PM- Saturday

This game is bigger than what people expect. It is taking everything in me to not take the points. Last year, Syracuse shocked the nation and upset Clemson 27-24. The spread is at 25.5 and honestly, you know what let’s run it. High emotional game for Clemson after last year’s loss, I am going to go with Cuse covering. Not that I think they win outright, but Cuse is 4-0 and they really aren’t bad. They’ve had success in the past against Clemson, 25.5 is too much in this game for me to lay down.

Tennessee vs. #2 Georgia- 3:30 PM- Saturday

The Volunteers are truly what their name is, participants, volunteering to take loss after loss and build the resume of the SEC. Bulldogs cover -31 at home after what they would consider a subpar performance against Missouri last week.

Baylor vs. #6 Oklahoma- 3:30 PM- Saturday

This game intrigues me because Oklahoma has had such a hard time covering the spread this year. I don’t believe in their defense yet, so I am going to take the 23.5 points you’re giving me and ride with Baylor.

Southern Mississippi vs. #10 Auburn- 4:00 PM- Saturday

Another SEC juggernaut matchup this week against their weekly bottom tier opponent. Auburn is giving up 26.5 points, I would lay that down. The Tigers know they have to win big and impress the committee in order to start making valid cases to be in the College Football Playoff.

#7 Stanford vs. #8 Notre Dame-7:30 PM- Saturday

It’s Week 5 and this is our first amazing matchup of the year. Granted, to me it’s not the game of the night but this is definitely a close second. The spread is at ND -5.5 and truly I don’t like it. I think Notre Dame wins but doesn’t cover. Last year, Notre Dame lost by 18 in Stanford, I think they come out blazing but keep it close. I would ride with Stanford to cover and Notre Dame to win. I am finally with you Irish, don’t embarrass me.

#4 Ohio State vs. #9 Penn State- 7:30 PM- Saturday

Ladies and gentlemen, I alert you on this one. This is a pure emotional pick. I am taking the Buckeyes. I love Dwayne Haskins, I am not sold on Penn State. I am also a huge Ohio State fan. This game you guys can pick yourself. It’s a three-point spread. Both teams are excellent against the spread. If I was a different fan I would do research and give you an evaluation, but my bias views will come into effect. These games are usually close. They go down to the wire. Don’t be surprised if you take Penn State and it goes to overtime and a touchdown wins it. It’s like that. This is THE game. I won’t be touching it, but God bless whoever bet it.

Ole Miss vs. #5 LSU- 9:00 PM- Saturday

This is a 10.5-point spread in favor of LSU. Why wouldn’t it be? It’s in Baton Rouge. My opinion is, they cover. I am hesitant because Ole Miss has a decent offense and only bad showing was against the best team in college football. I got LSU.

Other games:

#11 Washington -17 vs. #20 BYU- 8:30 PM- Saturday

#24 Cal -1.5 vs. #19 Oregon- 10:30 PM- Saturday

#12 WVU vs. #25 Texas Tech (ML) – 12:00 PM- Saturday

#14 Michigan vs. Northwestern +14.5- 4:30 PM- Saturday

Va. Tech vs. #22 Duke -4.5- 7:00 PM- Saturday

South Carolina vs. #17 Kentucky -1- 7:30 PM- Saturday

Today wasn’t full of jokes because it’s strictly business. I had a disappointing week previously and I am looking to bounce back. This is by far the best schedule of games we’ve seen so far this year. I am extremely excited for the matchups, granted the playoff battles won’t start until late at night, this will still be must-see TV all day.

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